


in this lost time (my heart is empty)

by winkthusiast



Category: Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Love or Hate!AU, M/M, but skip this fic if you're uncomfortable with the idea of it, nielwink as stepbrothers, technically not incest
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-20
Updated: 2019-01-20
Packaged: 2019-10-13 06:39:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,210
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17483060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/winkthusiast/pseuds/winkthusiast
Summary: It’s a twisted game they play, but Jihoon thinks he’s even more twisted for playing the game long enough to let it get to a point where he can’t find it in himself to stop.





	in this lost time (my heart is empty)

**Author's Note:**

> originally, this was meant to be the first chapter until i realized that it makes for a good prologue as it sets the tone for nielwink's dynamics for anyone who's not familiar with the manhwa. of course, i took the liberty of creating discrepancies between this au and the manhwa, so pls don't be confused as i took only a few things from Love or Hate to make this au work. also, pls don't hate daniel's character ㅠㅠ i have more in store for him, is2g he's not the villain in the story.
> 
> *title taken from Laboum's song Between Us

It would be a total lie for Park Jihoon to say a nightclub isn't his type of scene, because it is. Contrary to his naive-looking, innocent face, which, in true Red Riding Hood fashion, would most likely get eaten by hungry predatorsㅡ in this environment, he's more of the wolf in its hunting grounds stalking for prey. And tonight he's here to do just that, looking deadly in skin-tight jeans and a black, mesh shirt that leaves little to the imagination.

 

As he enters Club 101 with his friends in tow, he feels the undercurrent of adrenaline rushing through his veins. The hunt always excites him. And the euphoria he gets from the validation of sleazy strangers is enough to fool himself into thinking it's not an actual relationship he craves. Definitely not one with a person, who, on paper, cannot be someone he should be romantically involved with. Hell, less than five minutes in and he's already broke his promise to himself to not think about that person. Shots are definitely in order.

 

❌❌❌

 

Five shots and two passed out freshmen later *cough Daehwi and Guanlin cough*, Jihoon decides it's the perfect time for him to hit the dance floor. The alcohol seems to have worked its magic perfectly, seeing as he's pretty loose and ready to be swept off his feet, both proverbially and literally. He's well on his way to the dance floor, dragging an unwilling Woojin along with him, when he feels himself being slowed to a halt. Looking back to where his best friend is rooted, he follows the latter's line of sight and is greeted with all 180 centimeters of Kang Daniel near the entrance of the club. His alcohol-laden mind swims as he tries to process what his stepbrother could possibly be doing at a club 40 minutes away from his own university.

 

"Jihoon-ah, looks like you've got yourself some supervision." He feels Woojin scream into his ear, knocking him out of his reverie. Willfully ignoring the possible implications of his best friend’s observation, he tries not to correct the latter, knowing full well Daniel's not here on his (or rather, our, his brain not-so-helpfully supplies) mother's account.

 

"He's in for one hell of a show then." he replies.

 

Adrenaline rushes under his skin on double time, as he realizes that he now has just as much power over Daniel as the elder has on him. Ashamed as he is to admit it, there's a twisted game of push and pull between both of them that has gone on long enoughㅡ and it has admittedly taken its toll on him, what with him being almost always on the losing side. But tonight, he has a chance to level the playing field, so to speak. Hell, if he gets lucky, he might even have the upper hand and finally have the pleasure of seeing a crack at Daniel's oh-so-perfect façade. He just has to play his cards right.

 

"Are you going to do what I think you're going to do? Because trust me, Jihoon-ah, we both know that could either end very well or go very wrong." Woojin chides, clearly privy to the history between both.

 

"I'm aware of the stakes, Woojin. If it leads to an endgame, so be it. It wouldn't be so bad because honestly, I’m tired of playing this cat-and-mouse game with him."

 

"Well I hope you know what you're doing. I just don't want to see you get hurt." his best friend replies, caressing his face in a rare display of affection. And Jihoon sure hopes he does too.

 

❌❌❌

 

Despite being hyperaware of the elder's presence, he pretends not to notice Daniel, who's boring holes into the sides of his face with the intensity of his stare. Instead, he tries to focus on the feeling of riding the bass as he grinds his hips against the crotch of a stranger he deems is attractive enough to get Daniel all riled up. He knows he's treading a dangerous line into new territory, as he's never been witness to a jealous Daniel, despite living in the same house as him for nearly five years. But he just can't help himself from trying to see how far he can push the other's boundaries before he eventually breaks.

 

"What's your name, handsome?" Jihoon purrs as he feels the guy nip at his ears.

 

"Minhyun. Wh-what should I call you?" the stranger, Minhyun, chokes out at a particularly sinful thrust of Jihoon's ass.

 

He almost pities the guy, as he's pliant enough for Jihoon to do exactly what he wants with himㅡ progressively pitching him closer to his goal.  He soon hits home run when he turns around to seductively whisper his name in Minhyun's ear, and sees Daniel making his way towards them, grim countenance looking every bit angry and jealous. Success has never tasted sweeter.

 

❌❌❌

 

As it turns out, the elder has more self-control than Jihoon has given him credit for. Instead of being wrenched away from Minhyun's arms like he had expected Daniel to do, the elder had the audacity to smirk at him once he got close enough, and changed his direction towards the bar, leaving Jihoon flabbergasted for a full minute.

 

"Are you okay? Do you need some air?" Minhyun asks, probably from feeling Jihoon freeze for a moment.

 

"No, I’m fine. I suddenly felt dizzy for a second there." Jihoon replies, laughing nervously to cover up his disappointment.

 

"Do you want some water?"

 

"No I’m good." Jihoon smiles, and idea slowly forming in his head. He knows he's had one card he has yet to play, and he was definitely hoping he wouldn't have to use it, but seeing as Daniel's posing more of a challenge than he'd thought, he knows he has to use his trump card.

 

"You know what I do need? You. Right now." Jihoon drawls, feeling Minhyun tense up under his touch. The latter visibly gulps and slowly nods his assent, and Jihoon takes it as his cue to drag him towards the bathrooms. Minhyun seems like a really sweet guy, and a part of him feels bad for using him just to get under his stepbrother's skin. Stamping down on his guilt, he counts it a small victory when he feels Daniel’s gaze following their movement.

 

❌❌❌

 

Dim, strobing laser lights really doesn't do Minhyun's visuals justice, Jihoon thinks as he stares at the other's face in considerably more decent lighting. He looks like someone Jihoon could see himself seriously going out with, and try as he might, he couldn't stamp out the now-growing guilt he feels for using him.

 

Fuck Daniel and his stupid mind games, he thinks as he feels tears well up unbidden at his eyelids. The floodgate of emotion he's been trying so hard to keep at bay has finally been broken, and he just forgets about everything and focuses instead on the cathartic feeling of letting out all of his bottled-up resentment and anger for the elder for toying with his feelings. He even forgets about Minhyun's presence until he feels himself being pulled into a warm hug, hands running up and down his back comfortingly.

 

The concept of time is lost on Jihoon until he finally feels calm enough and rationality is restored in his emotion-addled brain. A small part of him is glad that he broke down in front of a total stranger and not Daniel himself, but a greater part of him is embarrassed for stringing Minhyun along and essentially losing his shit in front of him. He doesn't even want to know how crazy the latter must think he is.

 

"Are you okay now?" the taller finally asks, breaking the awkward silence.

 

"I'm fine now, I'm really sorry fo-" Jihoon starts to apologize but is suddenly cut off by the doorknob digging into his back. He curses his slow reflexes as he feels himself being pushed into Minhyun's arms after being jostled by the door. The moment doesn't last though, because he doesn't realize he's being strong-armed and wrestled out of the bathroom and out of the club until he feels the frigid December air blow through his mesh shirt. The grip on his forearm slowly loosens, and he feels palms slowly rubbing across his throbbing skin, as if apologizing for how rough he was handled. He knows it’s Daniel who dragged him out, but he can’t bring himself to look at the other’s face, resolutely keeping his eyes on the ground instead.

 

Jihoon knows he has the elder right where he wants him, but instead of feeling victorious, he feels empty. Sure, he won, but at what cost? His decency? His empathy towards others’ emotions? For so long, he’s hated how Daniel treated himㅡlike his emotions were of no importance, and in his attempt to get back at him, he’s become the monster he hated.

 

“Jihoon-ah, I-“

 

“Save it, hyung.” Jihoon cuts him off. He’s angry, mostly at himself, and he knows nothing Daniel says can offer him absolution.

 

“You know, you could at least thank me for stopping you from doing something incredibly stupid.” Daniel spits.

 

“That’s rich, coming from you.” He laughs.

 

“I never asked you to hook-up with some random stranger just to spite me, that was your idea.” Daniel whispers in his ears and Jihoon can’t help but laugh at how ridiculous this whole situation is.

 

“You know what, hyung” he says, emphasizing on the honorific ironically “let me do the mature thing between both of us because I don’t have time for you and your stupid games. I’m going home.” Jihoon says through clenched teeth, barely containing his anger at the elder for somehow still finding a way to blame him for all this mess.

 

Once upon a time, he thought he'd never be able to walk away from Daniel, but seeing how twisted their little game has become, Jihoon finds that it doesn't take much to walk away from him now that he truly has to.

 

He counts each step he takes while he shivers, waiting for a cab to pass by. The yellow glow of the streetlight doesn't hide much from a hyperaware Jihoon as he notices the shadow of the taller man following his every step, and it isn't long before Daniel finally catches up to the former.

 

Warmth blooms from his back as he feels Daniel wrap his leather jacket around his smaller frame, engulfing him in a backhug right after. This, Jihoon thinks, is where their relationship gets complicated. They're living out a tired narrative from a B-grade romance novel they both know the ending to, and yet he himself can't break the stupid cycle because he knows how good it feels to finally have Daniel in his arms. In the few accumulated moments where the elder dangles his affection low enough for the younger to be able to reach, all his exhaustion from the drawn-out chase dissipates in the mere feeling of being in Daniel's warm embrace. And not unlike an addict who craves, he ignores the cost of this messed-up tug-of-war in his quest to be the recipient of the elder's affection again.

 

“Hyung, you dyed your hair red.” He whispers moments later, as he feels Daniel apologetically nose at his neck.

 

“Yeah, figured I needed a change. Does it suit me?” Daniel whispers into the nape of his neck.

 

“It suits you, hyung.” He replies quietly. It suits him a little too much. With his hair pushed back like this, he looks lethal even, every bit of Jihoon’s relentless heartbreak wrapped in pretty fucking paper.

 

“Good. I was hoping you’d like it.” The redhead muses, and not for the first time since the night begun, he’s at a loss for words yet again. He knows Daniel’s just saying it for his sakeㅡ the way he knows how easily he can lure Jihoon into his trap with pretty little lies and small romantic gestures. And Jihoon’s not too bad of a liar himself, growing too good at lying to himself that Daniel means everything he says even though deep in his heart he knows that he really doesn’t.

 

❌❌❌

 

Distant yellow headlights of what seems to be a taxi effectively pulls Jihoon out of his own head. Daniel seems to tense up behind him as he too notices the incoming cab, hugging Jihoon tighter than before.

 

"Can I crash at your place tonight?" Daniel asks. And there it is, Jihoon thinks. Finally, the million-dollar question he knows the redhead has been itching to ask ever since he caught the smaller male's eyes in the club. Warning bells start tolling somewhere in his brain as he looks up at the elder's hopeful face. He's well aware of how this would play out. Come morning, Daniel's out the door, leaving Jihoon's heart on the side of the bed he's slept in crushed and unwanted. But he knows he can never bring himself to say no.

 

“Sure, hyung. You’re always welcome to.” He replies as they both start getting into the cab. It’s a twisted game they play, but Jihoon thinks he’s even more twisted for playing the game long enough to let it get to a point where he can’t find it in himself to stop.

**Author's Note:**

> proving consistent to my brand, this whole body of work is unbeta'ed bc i have no beta reader and even tho i proofread this like a thousand times, i'm sure a few mistakes still got through (so pls hmu lovely beta readers). and last but not least, comments help keep me motivated so thanks you in advance for all ur lovely words, u guys are the best.
> 
> ps, come scream at me on twitter @nwthusiast


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